Do you feel like you and your spouse have a strong bond? Hopefully the answer is yes. If so, what exactly makes you feel that way? Interestingly, that might be harder to pinpoint than you’d think.
Maybe you’re great communicators and skilled at dealing with conflict. It’s true that those things often go hand in hand with feeling strongly connected, and they definitely should not be minimized. But these are not the only signs! Sometimes it’s a bunch of seemingly small, subtle things that contribute to an overall feeling of closeness and connection. Often those things can be just as important, even if they don’t seem as “serious” in terms of healthy relationship habits. Let’s discuss a few of these surprising, and sometimes quirky, signs of a strong bond.
1. You have your own language
Do you and your spouse have your own made up words or phrases? Can you share a certain gesture or facial expression and know exactly what the other person means? Do you have code words with secret meanings? Beyond adding some fun and humor to your interactions, do these things serve a purpose? The short answer: yes!
In long-term relationships, it’s not uncommon to develop your own short-hand way of communicating. It’s likely you have experienced this with your parents, siblings, and close friends. The more time you spend with someone, the more defined this language becomes – it doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it develops over time as you accumulate experiences and a history together. If you and your spouse share your own language, or even have an endless trove of inside jokes that you’re constantly referencing, it’s a sign you spend time together that builds shared meaning and increases your feelings of cohesiveness as a couple.
2. You have little rituals and stick to them.
Maybe you always brush your teeth together before bed, even if you’ve been doing separate things all evening. Perhaps you have a choreographed dance you do during the opening theme of your favorite show. Or you end your phone calls with silly nicknames for each other. Research has shown that relationship rituals in general have an overwhelmingly positive effect on marriage. They create and nurture connection and a sense of stability in your bond. They act as constant relational touch points that help you stay tethered to each other and your unique identity as a couple. And it’s not just the more “conventional” rituals, like how you greet each other, that offer these benefits. Even the things that seem silly and trivial signify a meaningful closeness. Plus, it takes intention to stick with them. Do you have to do that goofy dance? No. But when you choose to engage with your spouse in this way, it shows a sense of presence and commitment to staying connected.
3. You’re able to give each other a hard time.
If you’re able to tease each other good-naturedly – without getting offended or hurting your spouse’s feelings – this is a great sign. It means you both feel secure and confident in your relationship, have good self-awareness, and understand each other’s triggers. You know what’s in and out of bounds and respect those boundaries. You’re on the same wavelength and are in sync each other’s sense of humor. All of this requires a close connection, as well as emotional safety. The key here, of course, is that there are truly no hard feelings or resentment when you’re ribbing each other. If they do pop up, which is bound to happen at some point, you’re able to address them right away. Being able to do both is a dynamic that sparks relationship vitality and friendship.
When it comes to having a strong bond with your spouse, there are the overarching tenets of a healthy marriage. Then there are the seemingly smaller, yet unique things that transform a “great on paper” relationship into full-color, real-life sense of connection that truly makes you feel like a couple. They might seem insignificant or unimportant in the grand scheme of things, but ultimately they are core to who you are as a couple and should be celebrated.
Wow, these 3 signs speaks to me personally. Actually in my relationship with my wife, we practice some of these like endingvthe calls with little pet names – but i never thought of it as much value. Reading this just placed the spot light on some of these, for sure will comtinue to practice them on purpose