3 Secrets to Being Better Teammates

We say it often: remember that you and your spouse are on the same team. The advice seems straightforward enough, but let’s be honest – it’s not always easy to follow through. You don’t always feel like teammates. If you’re not aligned on what you’re hoping to achieve, it can seem like you’re actually working against each other. Sometimes it might even feel like you have to take things on alone. Fortunately, there are ways you set yourselves up to be better teammates to each other. Here are three secrets to make this happen:

1. Let each other in.

Great teammates recognize and appreciate each other’s strengths. However, they are also keen to each other’s vulnerabilities, not in a critical way, but so that they can provide cover for each other in those weaker areas. In order to get to this point, you’ll need to let each other in. You’ll need to be open and honest with each other about your struggles, fears, and insecurities. It might mean letting go of your pride and doing some self-reflection to better understand yourself first. Once you’re both able to let your guards down and drop the defensiveness, you’re in a position to support each other in the best ways possible. Keep in mind, you’ll need to give each other a criticism and judgment-free space to foster the emotional safety needed to be truly vulnerable.

2. Share your expectations.

On great teams, each member knows exactly what is expected of them, what their role is, and what they’re trying to achieve. It creates a sense of camaraderie and oneness. Sharing expectations with each other – for your relationship and daily life – serves a similar purpose, and more. For one, when you communicate your relationship expectations with each other, you’re making it easier for your partner to fulfill those expectations. Communicating your expectations around daily life might be touching base each morning or at the beginning of the week about what you’ve got coming up in the day(s) ahead, and how you want things to go. Maybe it’s a big meeting at work, projects you want to get done around the house, or striving to only order takeout one time. Whatever it may be, when you understand what you’re each aiming for, you can support and encourage each other better. And perhaps even more importantly, you can empathize with each other if things don’t go how you envisioned. You can both feel like you’ve got someone in your corner cheering you on or helping you rally when you need it.

3. Stop keeping score.

Maybe you’re keeping a running tally of the times you’ve had to do one of the tasks they’re responsible for, how many times you were right about something, or how much time they’ve spent on a hobby this week. Whatever your version of this is, it’s probably not helping you be a better teammate. When you focus on specific numbers or quantities being “even,” it has a tendency to shift your mindset to “you vs. your spouse.” Marriage isn’t about giving and getting in equal and specific amounts. Instead, get to the root of why you feel the need to keep score in the first place. What is the bigger issue that’s causing resentment? Are you feeling like you need more quality time together or do you need to make some adjustments to how responsibilities are divided? Once you can see the problem from a broader perspective, then you can work together as teammates to come up with a solution.

Most couples know in their hearts (and heads) that being a team is crucial. Sometimes, however, it can be difficult to put that knowledge into action in an authentic way that is threaded throughout your relationship. It starts with adjusting your mindset and putting yourselves in the best position to support each other in small, yet consistent ways every day. Hopefully these tips can help you do just that.

What’s your secret to being great teammates? Let us know in the comments!