4 Times to Shift Your Perspective

Have you ever looked at one of those optical illusion images that asks whether you see a nature scene or an animal, a vase or two faces? Often you’ll lock onto one of the visuals immediately, but then it becomes almost impossible to see the alternative. You have to make a conscious effort to completely shift your perspective. Then suddenly, there it is! You see things in a whole new way.

Have you ever experienced this in your marriage? Here are 4 times it’s helpful to shift your perspective.

1. When you’re disagreeing on every little thing

Imagine you and your spouse are discussing a strategy for saving money. You’re neck-deep in the details: How much are we trying to save each month? How should we track it? Do we need a whole new budget? What are the best ways to actually cut down on spending? What’s a negotiable expense and what’s not? It’s starting to seem like you can’t agree on anything, making it impossible to get anywhere. This is a situation when zooming out to see the bigger picture is helpful. Sometimes trying to reach total agreement on every detail simply isn’t realistic. Instead, pause and think about how you can realign around a broader vision or goal – in this case, saving money. You might find that it’s not as important to agree on the specific ways you’re each going to cut spending – being aligned on the bigger picture helps you both move forward productively.

2. If you’re stressed, worried, or overwhelmed

Whether it’s an unexpected event or a chaotic season of life, there are times when it feels like too much to handle. How will you manage it? In situations like this, it can actually be helpful to narrow you perspective – focusing only on the things that are within your control or that you’re faced with right now. Other times, zooming out to see the bigger picture will help you reframe things in a more manageable way. For example, maybe you’re planning your child’s birthday party and finding yourself stressing over the tiniest details. Remind yourself that the kids aren’t going to remember whether the favors perfectly matched the cake; it’s just about having fun with family and friends.

3. When you want to criticize your spouse

If your partner’s little annoying habits or traits are wearing on you, it’s easy to start nitpicking and criticizing. Perhaps they admittedly dropped the ball in some way and you’re tempted to make assumptions about their intentions. Let’s be honest, this usually leads to conflict – whether it’s in the form of an immediate argument or resentment that bubbles up down the road. While it’s healthy to air grievances and get issues on the table, sometimes the problem is more on you than them. Maybe you’re having a bad day and are in a bad mood or negative headspace. Try to remember that your spouse is so much more than one annoying habit or mistake. Remind yourself of the human behind the behavior – they’re doing their best just like you.

4. If you need to recenter yourself

Sometimes amidst all the noise and busyness of daily life, you might find yourself in need of a reset – taking time to realign your priorities, regain balance, and re-focus on what’s truly important. You might realize how thankful you are for a healthy family, while noticing and relishing the sound of the kids playing and laughing outside before dinner. Or maybe you cut back on certain things that are no longer serving you well or are more picky about where you invest your energy. Shifting your perspective in both directions – to see the bigger picture and find joy in the little things – can help you generate a robust sense of gratitude.

Throughout your marriage, situations will arise where you’ll find yourself getting caught up in viewing things one way. Shifting your perspective to see the bigger picture or focus just in what’s right front of you can be just the ticket to handling things in a way that better serves your relationship.