Start Feeling Happier in Your Marriage- Part 1

Do you feel happy and satisfied in your marriage? This might seem like a loaded question. On one hand, “yes” seems like the correct answer, but in reality, things can be a bit more complicated. Perhaps you don’t feel happy at the moment, or you’re going through a tough season. Maybe you’re usually pretty content, but have definitely experienced your ups and downs together.

The truth is, there are many dynamic factors that affect how satisfied you both feel with your relationship. The good news is that you and your spouse have control over almost of all of them – you’re not just passive passengers along for the ride. Need some examples? Here are five ways to start feeling happier in your marriage.

1. Cut down on comparison.

Whether it’s through social media or just the assumptions and judgments you make about other couples, it’s easy to start making comparisons to your own relationship. “They seem like they never fight.” “They’re always doing fun stuff together.” “They probably communicate a lot better than us.” These types of comparisons aren’t productive—and more than likely, they’re not 100% true. Remember that every couple’s relationship is entirely unique. And you don’t have a front row seat to their entire day-to-day, you’re often only seeing the couple portrayed on social media or when you’re in a social setting – both of which are settings where people showcase the best of themselves.

2. Check your expectations.

Sometimes your own unrealistic expectations set you up for disappointment. Without realizing it, you might expect your relationship, your partner, or yourself to have it all together all the time. That’s unfair to everyone, and you’re bound to be let down. You’re both going to make mistakes. Embrace imperfection, and challenge yourself to see all of the ways in which your spouse and your marriage are actually pretty great.

3. Take care of yourself.

In order to be the best spouse you can be, you need to take care of yourself – emotionally, physically, spiritually. If you’re feeling fulfilled as individual, you have more in your tank to give to others, which has a reciprocal effect. Take time to do things that make you feel happy and balanced, and support each other in doing so. Whether it’s a favorite hobby, time with friends, or some quiet time alone, make it a priority.

4. Assume positive intent.

When you assume the worst of your partner’s intentions before you have all the facts, it stirs up negative emotions. You might be ready to lash out unfairly, causing them to be defensive and kicking off an argument. Instead, strive to give them the benefit of the doubt in situations where it would usually be easy to jump to negative conclusions. This requires leaning into and empathetic response, which will help you react with more kindness and understanding.

5. Reassess your roles.

Sometimes feeling discontented in your marriage can stem from how responsibilities are divided between you and your spouse. It seems rather superficial, but feeling forced into roles or tasks that don’t fit your strengths or the dynamic of your relationship can cause resentment and conflict. Have a conversation about about what’s working, what’s not, and what makes the most sense for your relationship. Be open-minded and willing to make adjustments that better suit your individual skills and interests.

Stay tuned for next week’s post where we’ll share five more ways to start feeling happier in your marriage.