Me Time or We Time: Squeeze More Into Each Day

How much time should you and your spouse spend together? How much time should you spend separately, doing your own thing? Like so many things in life, it’s all about balance. There’s no perfect equation, and every couple is unique. The sense of balance you find during one season of life may also look a lot different during another – that’s normal!

So what happens when you know you’re out of balance? Recognizing you need more “me” or “we” time is one thing, but how do you make the necessary adjustments, in a practical sense? We can’t help you add more hours to the day, but we can share some practical tips to help you fit just a bit more “me or we” time into each day.

Start small.

You might think you need to start with big chunks of time – committing hours each week to individual hobbies or quality time with your spouse. Often this just isn’t doable. So what if you started leveraging smaller pockets of time in ways that can help you regain that sense of balance? Think small tweaks to things that are already part of your daily schedule. For example, if you typically spend your evening downtime together, add more me time by spending the first half doing your own things separately, then reconvene for the second half. Maybe you head out on a bike ride while your spouse works in the garden. Then you come back together to watch an episode of your show and wind down for bed. Or if you have multiple nights with no plans, designate one of them as “do your own thing” night, even if it’s just spending solo time in separate areas of the house. Reserving just a bit of time each day or week for alone time can often be just what you need if you’ve been feeling joined at the hip. You can apply the same idea if you need more we time – it’s just about making small swaps with time you’re typically spending apart.

Be in the moment.

One trick to squeezing in extra connection during any given day is to be fully engaged and present with each other in the moments you’re together, even if they’re short. Whether it’s sharing the funny dreams you had over a quick breakfast, enjoying a snack together before bed, or taking the long way home as you crank up that favorite song, learning to savor these moments can help you feel more connected without the increased time commitment – quality over quantity! Similarly, being fully present in the moments you have to yourself can help you truly make the most of them. If you find yourselves scrolling your phones mindlessly when you’re together, think about how you might be using that time more fully, whether together or apart.

Try habit stacking.

“Habit stacking” refers to the idea of linking new habits to existing habits or routines. It leverages the patterns and behaviors you already have built into your brain, helping you complete actions more efficiently while also building momentum that helps them stick. Examples might be: After I start the coffee brewing, I empty the dishwasher, or after I get dressed, I make the bed. This concept works in your marriage, too! If you want to make moments of me time or we time more habitual, consider how you can tack five or ten minutes onto things you’re already routinely doing throughout your day. For instance, if you already do the dishes together after dinner, it’s easy to spend a few extra minutes chatting about your days or enjoying a sweet treat.

Achieving a sense of balance between your me and we time doesn’t always require completely rearranging your schedules or sacrificing hours in other areas of life. Sometimes all that’s needed is being mindful about how you’re spending your time and making adjustments in whatever direction you need to. You’d be surprised what a difference it can make!