How to Make New (Couple) Friends

How to make friends is a social skill you learn early on in life, far before you know what a social skill is. Looking back, you were probably encouraged to play with a neighbor at a playground or sit next to a kid in preschool. Over time you kind of figure out what you have in common with certain kids, find yourself drifting towards those who enjoy the same things you do, and lo and behold, you have a friend. As kids, we can even be quite blunt about it by straight up asking, “Do you want to be my friend?” We like to show off our BFF – best friend forever – even proclaiming that status through a special handshake or cheap matching jewelry. And just as quick as we begin friendships, we end them, exiling someone for being mean or having the audacity to sit by someone else at lunch.

The point of this is that as kids, making friends was usually pretty easy. It was a natural part of your development as a child. Your parents celebrated each new friendship, your environment (aka school) fostered friendship development, and you had tons of time to dedicate to nurturing those new relationships – basically you had time to play together.

But what happens when you get older, and you need/want to make new friends? It’s hard! You may not have the time, support system, or even skills to start new friendships. Another challenging aspect of developing friendships as adults is that you may be trying to build friendships as a couple, with other couples.

We want to call out that for some of you, this may feel like an exciting challenge and you love the thrill of meeting new people and getting to know them. For those of you who find this a daunting task and would rather sit next to your partner on the couch and accept the fact you don’t have couple friends, we’ve put together five tried and true sources in your life to find people and how to take the first step in a friendship journey with them.

1. Work
   Sounds boring, right? Well, not always! There’s a good chance you have a coworker or two that you actually enjoy. If you know that they’ve got a partner, suggest a double date and meet up for dinner or happy hour!
2. Kids
   If your kids are old enough where they have friends, try to build a relationship with the parents. Try inviting the entire family over next time your kiddo wants to have their friend over for dinner. If you all hit it off, then you’re on the right track to being family friends.
3. Hobbies
   What do you do as a couple to spend time together? Maybe there is a group you can join and find other couples. Consider if your community has an adult softball league or volunteer opportunity. If you join, you’re likely to find other couples who already have something in common with you.
4. Family
   They say the best part about siblings are that they are your forever friends. Well, here’s a bonus – when they find a partner, they can easily become your forever couple friends! There’s something special about developing friendship bonds with your siblings and their partners. If you’ve never had a hang out together, without Mom, Dad, and your kids, suggest that Grandma and Grandpa watch the grandkids, and do something with just the siblings.
5. Community
   Look around you – there may be good couple friend candidates that sit near you in church or that live across the street. Take that first step and say hello, ask a little about them, and if the energy is good, suggest doing something together to get to know each other.

*Bonus tip – your friends don’t have to be in the same age/stage as you. Although there are benefits to going through something similar to your friends. You can gain a lot of wisdom and insight from having a friendship with a couple in a different age group and/or life stage than you!

Friendships are an important part of our social portfolio, especially as kids, but it’s also important as adults. And if you can develop couple friendships, well then the benefits just multiply!