A regular, consistent date night sounds great on paper. But when it comes to actually following through, it might feel like there’s always something that can stand in the way. Whether it’s an unexpected last-minute event, your season of life, financial situation, or daily life obligations, you can usually come up with an excuse to skip date night.
But there’s one important reason why you shouldn’t: your marriage deserves the effort, and it benefits from the intentional quality time.
So let’s try to make it easier for you. Here are 5 tips to help make date night happen.
1. Plan it in advance – and be open to spontaneity.
Sit down and pull out your calendars. Choose 3 dates in the next two months that will work. Put them in your phone. Add (multiple) reminders. Mark them on the family calendar. Create a sense of anticipation and excitement. At the same time, if an opportunity pops up out of the blue for last-minute date, don’t be afraid to jump on it! Planning ahead is great for busy schedules, but sometimes nothing beats the fun of a spontaneous date.
2. Secure a sitter – and build in a backup plan.
It’s not possible for everyone, but if you can, ask family members – your parents, siblings, or older nieces/nephews – to see if they can watch the kids. List out the dates you need them and see which they can cover. If you live close to family, see if you can coordinate with your siblings and have the grandparents watch all the kids (which makes it a special night for the kiddos, too!). Or build a list of go-to trusted sitters and schedule with them in advance. Have a backup plan should the sitter fall through, like switching the day or time of your date, or even putting the kids to bed early and enjoying a date at home.
3. Think outside the box – and be okay with the usual.
It doesn’t always have to be dinner and drinks in the evening. Redefine what makes a date to make them easier to fit into your weekly cadence. Try morning/day dates, driving dates, and at-home dates. The key is being fully present and able to focus on each other without distraction. At the same time, don’t feel like you need to reinvent the wheel every time either. If you’ve got a tried and true routine that’s easy to execute with minimal planning, go for it!
4. Consider them mandatory – and go with the flow.
Mandatory means it’s of the same importance as say, an important meeting at work or with your kid’s teacher. Bottom line, try not to cancel it for frivolous reasons – like simply because it’s raining or if you’re just feeling kind of tired. There are obviously exceptions to this, but it’s important that you’re both committed to making it happen. Occasionally, a wrench will get thrown into your plans. Maybe the restaurant lost your reservation or the show you were going to see got cancelled. That doesn’t mean you have to scrap the date entirely! Embrace that spontaneity and see where it takes you. You may end up having even more fun than you could have anticipated.
5. Make it a habit – and celebrate your effort.
The more dates you go on, the more it becomes just part of your routine. It will feel less like a hassle with lots of moving parts that need to fall perfectly into place and more like second nature. You’ll know the days of the week that seem to work best, the ideal time for the sitter to arrive, and even discover some new favorite places to go. At the same time, don’t forget to acknowledge the effort that you both put into making dates a regular part of your relationship. It’s a testament to your commitment to each other and shows that you’re both invested in the quality of your marriage. Be proud of yourselves and leverage this momentum to keep it up.
Regular date nights are a great way to strengthen your bond and nurture your friendship. We know it’s unrealistic to think that you’ll never have to cancel one. We also know that sometimes, life gets in the way and it’s just simply not doable. But with a balance of intention, flexibility, and planning ahead, you can make date nights happen! And we know it’ll be worth the effort.
