As a couple, you learn to support each other in many facets of life. Perhaps you’ve cheered on your partner through a tough job search. Maybe their career is chugging along and you support them in the demands it requires of them. Or one of you has faced health issues and the other has been your rock. Maybe you’ve motivated and pushed each other to get out of debt. While these are all aspects that can come and go throughout your relationship, one area that takes many couples by surprise is parenting.
When you become parents, you’re both in a completely new element. It’s hard enough figuring out your own needs and identity as a parent, and knowing how to support your spouse is a challenge all its own. Parenting becomes another aspect of your couple relationship that thrives when you both feel supported by each other. Here are some ways you can weave support for each other as parents throughout your relationship:
1. Support each other with words.
Sometimes nothing beats good old verbal encouragement. You might give each other direct compliments, such as, “You’re such a good dad. I love how you’re so patient with the kids.” You can also show your support and admiration indirectly in how you talk about each other to your children. Saying things like, “Your mom is a pretty special lady. She does so much for us,” also sets a positive example for children. Similarly, talking to each other with respect and kind regard in front of them makes a lasting imprint of loving interaction between their parents.
2. Support each other with empathy.
We know empathy is a game-changer in relationships. It is particularly important as we deal with stress and uncertainty in the face of the challenges of parenting. Sometimes, we’re just not at our best, but being empathetic toward each means that’s okay. In those sleep-deprived days of becoming new parents, you can show empathy by knowing not to take it personally if you are short and snippy with each other. Later, it might be understanding when the other is feeling overwhelmed, and asking what you can do to lighten their load.
3. Support each other with time.
There are various ways this might look. For example, if your spouse is feeling burnt out and in need of some time to themselves to recharge, you might take care of bedtime responsibilities so they can enjoy dinner with friend or even just quiet time alone. You can support each other’s relationship with the children by setting aside time for each of you to spend one-on-one with them. And don’t forget, a strong marriage has a positive impact on your parenting, so don’t forget to make time for yourselves as a couple.
4. Support each other as teammates.
Being teammates means it’s less about “I do these things and you do those things” and more about how you work together collectively to make it all happen. It means supporting each other’s parenting decisions. On a small scale that might be overlooking the messy kitchen when your partner lets the kids help make dinner. On a bigger scale, that might mean making the effort to align with each other on discipline strategies or what school they’ll attend.
5. Support each other by being flexible.
Flexibility is a key component to a resilient relationship and family system. You can be flexible by having having an open mind and trying new ways of doing things. Maybe you try their way of giving the baby a bath, or at the very least let them do it their own way without jumping in to “correct.” You can also practice flexibility by shifting roles and responsibilities to meet the needs of your situation – maybe you have a new job or work schedule, or your spouse has to leave for a few days to take care of a parent. By adapting to the circumstances, you disperse the weight of the potential stressor between both of you.
When we become parents, we change as individuals – and ultimately as a couple. It requires us to navigate uncharted waters together, and it offers us the opportunity to support each other in new ways that send positive ripples throughout our relationship and family.
What are some ways you support each other as parents? Share in the comments!
These are essential to any marriage/family. Thank you for doing such excellent blogs.
Thank you so much for the great reminder of the simple but very important things we can do to strengthen each other in our marriage and parenting.
It’s very important for a couple to compliment each other for their marriage to become stronger
As it is often described, kids get their security from the love between the parents. These suggestions are a beautiful way to show that love and support for each other.
Sometimes we have to remind ourselves to let go of our version of perfection and doing it all. If we cook at home we’re going to make a mess. If we take time as a couple that is time away from the kids, or if we take time with the kids we have to say no to other things with friends or family. No one can do it all, and it’s ok.
Thank you for this comment. I took a screenshot as I need to remind myself of this frequently.
One thing is for sure. It takes being a parent to understand and fully appreciate your parent.
Such a practical but powerful list of ways to show your husband or wife how much you value them both as a spouse and a parent. Also great advice on being intentional about praising your partner in front of your children – this not only will help them to be appreciative of the unique talents and strengths their parents exhibit, but helps to prepare them for further down the road when they are married with families of their own. Thank you for always providing us with practical tips to help improve all aspects our marriage relationships!
Would you be able to add a share button to email or text for these pages, please? It would be nice to be able to share to individuals.
I enjoy this input and ways to appreciate one another and working together as a team is so empowering and the family unit as a whole can be a team. Like the Incredibles : )