5 Common Sources of Holiday Conflict

Is conflict with your spouse putting a damper on your holiday spirit? If you and your spouse are arguing more than usual lately, it’s understandable. There’s something about this season that can stir up issues for even the most harmonious of couples. Here are five common sources of holiday conflict – and how to resolve them.

1. Money

Money is a notoriously touchy topic for many couples. Gifts, travel, and other festivities mean even more opportunities for spending – and conflict. While it might seem too late to get aligned for this year’s holidays, all is not lost. Acknowledging that you have areas of disagreement in this area, even if it’s only during the holiday season, is the first step toward getting aligned. As soon as it makes sense, sit down and have a discussion about the holiday-related money topics you don’t see eye-to-eye on. Do they relate to any of the issues you experience year-round? Chances are, the way you think about money will be consistent over time, so if you’ve figured out ways to compromise, consider how you can apply those tactics to the holiday season.

2. Family

For many, the holidays mean more time with immediate and extended family. You might feel pressure to celebrate with one of your families over the other or like you’re getting pulled in too many directions. Maybe there is tension or drama you’re anxious about or you simply don’t get along with certain relatives. When family is the source of conflict, it’s important to remember that you’re on the same team and try to support each other as such. If you already have family boundaries in place, you might want to discuss whether you’ll adhere to them and how, or if it’s helpful to set some specifically for the holidays. Good communication and being aligned on a game plan can help you avoid getting caught off guard by any major disagreements.

3. Stress

The holidays can be an overwhelming time. On top of the usual responsibilities, you might take on a lot more at this time of year, whether it’s hosting, cooking, shopping, decorating, the list goes on. Sure, some people excel under stress, but often, it doesn’t bring out the best in us. The people we love the most – such as our spouse – will often get the brunt of its negative effects. Take steps to identify what causes you the most stress during this season and how you might reduce them. Be intentional about communicating with each other and sharing how you’re doing. This gives you the opportunity to empathize and help each other out to lessen the load.

4. Expectations

Your expectations for the holidays touch on all these areas. If they’re completely mismatched, it’s like working toward completely different goals. Leading into the holidays, have a conversation about how you’re each envisioning things going. Consider things like the general pace of the day, what time you’ll leave celebrations, whether you plan on attending religious service, etc. If you find you’re expecting different things, try your best to adjust and compromise. Additionally, break free from the expectation of perfection – you’ll inevitably be let down. Instead, try to go with the flow and maintain a team mentality.

5. Difficult emotions

If one of you is going through a hard time, carrying that alone can feel heavy and isolating. Holding those emotions in or attempting to tamp them down has a way of eating at you. And similar to stress, it’s normal for negative emotions to come out on our spouse or family even when that’s not our intention. Whether the holidays are always a difficult time or it’s just this particular year or season, talk about it with your spouse. You’ll feel a weight lifted, foster connection, and give them the opportunity to support you the best they can.

No one really goes into the holidays hoping for arguments to spoil the festive vibes, but the reality is, it happens. With a little extra awareness of where conflict tends to lurk and how you can sidestep it, you and your spouse can hopefully enjoy peaceful holiday celebrations.