This is it. You’re finally doing it. You’re going on vacation, just you and your spouse. You can’t even remember the last time, it’s been so long. Will it be everything you dreamed of? Or will you get into a fight on the way to the airport, setting the tone for the rest of the trip?
If you’re like a lot of couples, taking a vacation just the two of you is a rare treat. So when it happens, the last thing you want is for this cherished time to be spoiled by unnecessary conflict. With that in mind, here are some tips for ensuring you and your spouse have the best time possible on your next getaway.
Align your expectations.
As with any area of your relationship, conflict and discontent crops up when expectations are not met. As you’re planning your vacation and in the days/weeks leading up to it, take some time to share your expectations with each other. You might discuss things like how much activity versus relaxation time you each want. Will you do any separate activities, and are you okay with that? Will your days have a planned out itinerary, will you play it by ear, or a mix of both? If you have very different preferences, how will you compromise? Getting aligned on the general vibe of your vacation helps you both know what to expect. It can prevent one or both of you from feeling miffed when your partner has a completely different definition of “vacation.”
Get on the same page about your budget.
You may have set an overall budget early in the process of planning, but touch base again to make sure you’ve considered additional expenses that you’ll incur, such as meals, activity fees/tickets, souvenirs, etc. Will you eat out for every meal or limit it to once a day to save money for other things? Will you walk as much as you can or take an Uber? How much flexibility do you have for extras or spontaneous splurges? Are you on the same page about tipping? There is no right or wrong answer here, as long as you and your spouse have reached some level of consensus. If you are both adamant about sticking to a budget, work together and support each other in making that happen.
Activate vacation mode!
If you’re going to be on vacation, be on vacation. This means intentionally letting go of stress and distractions so that you can maximize the amount of time you spend in true “vacation mode” – being mentally present and in the moment. Set boundaries to prevent unwanted demands on your time and attention from taking over your trip. If you absolutely must do some work, maybe you allot one hour per day for responding to emails, then log off completely. If you’ve got kids, decide on a set time and frequency for calling or checking in. If you notice your partner struggling to relax mentally, do what you can to help them get there. Don’t be afraid to let out and embrace each other’s silly, romantic, and carefree side.
Take things in stride.
Delayed flights, lost bags, double booked hotel rooms, food poisoning, or bad weather. There are many things that can go awry on what is supposed to be a fun and relaxing getaway. Sure, you’ve hyped it up in your mind for months now, and it’s easy to let disappointment set in when things don’t go as planned. Try to avoid taking the stress of travel or unforeseen circumstances out on each other. Instead, aim to go with the flow. Keep a sense of humor and view the mishaps that are thrown at you as all part of the adventure. At the very least, they will make your vacation all the more memorable!
A lot goes into a vacation. It’s not just the money and the planning; you invest a lot of emotional energy into it, too. You assume you’ll have a great time together, so when you find yourselves arguing it can feel like a letdown. By putting in a little mental preparation and adopting a positive mindset, you can focus on having fun – instead of resolving a fight.
Great teaching👍
So true. I just went on a vacation with my spouse and all these things were relevant. Our hire campervan had to be returned due to a faulty fridge and gas bottle on the second day, so we lost a day of our trip in terms of what we planned to do, but bonded much more with our replacement vehicle which was older but felt much more like home to us. Sorting out any disagreements and disappointments quickly is so helpful to making the most of that precious holiday.
This has come at a right time. Going for another holiday. Most of our holidays have been laced with arguments some of which have been intense. I hope this would be different after both of us have read this article. I am cautiously optimistic this time around
Getting expectations aligned is definitely key! Talking in advance about how and when you’ll do activities, together AND apart, and then checking in again once you’re really “there” on vacation pays off, too. Good partners can iron out the speedbumps encountered, even when you’re on the road and experiencing a new destination. Thanks for the insights and reminders about how to enjoy our precious time together!