Expectations are high when planning a wedding. There is this need to find the perfect dress, delicious food, a picturesque location, and a photographer who can capture those special moments. Luckily, premarital counseling is becoming part of the wedding planning experience, but that begs the question – do couples have high expectations for their marriage prep?
Is anyone actually searching for the perfect program that combines guidance, assessment, and skill-building exercises?
The answer is no – couples are settling.
They’re taking whatever marriage prep is handed to them so it can get checked off the endless list of things to do before they get married. We get it – a wedding is a big thing, but it lasts a day. Your marriage is much larger than that, it lasts a lifetime. Expect more out of your premarital counseling.
Here are three ways to get the best marriage prep:
- Start Early
Aim to begin premarital counseling right after you send out your “save the dates,” at least 6 months before your wedding. If you wait and squish it in 6 weeks before the wedding when your invitations are going out, you’ll become stressed about wedding day priorities and the quality of your marriage prep will be compensated. - Work with a Professional
A professional doesn’t necessarily mean someone who is licensed; it is someone who has credible experience or education in the marriage/relationship field. Check with your church or local counseling center to find a trustworthy person to guide you through the process. And know it’s okay to ask questions before committing to a facilitator. - Advocate for an Assessment
Make sure that professional encourages you and your partner to take a reliable and valid assessment as part of your marriage prep. Assessments increase the impact of a marriage education program by 30% and often the act of taking an assessment can improve your relationship. Gaining knowledge and awareness around your relationship before marriage is so beneficial!
Don’t settle for a mediocre marriage prep experience. Research and educate yourself on options and be your own advocate in finding a good match for you and your partner.
My husband-to-be and I just finished our counseling with our church approved counselors last night. I can say that it was definitely worth every minute submerged into the subject of marriage! Curt and Kim were honest, raw at times and I could feel the Holy Spirit working in them to guide our conversations. There were so many conversations that we thought were going to be difficult to discuss but turned out to be an amazing discussion! We discovered new things about each other and ourselves in relationship to our future together. Having a Godly couple guiding us was AWESOME! I highly recommend it BEFORE the engagement even to make sure you’re with the right one!
I wholeheartedly agree with these thoughts. I have now canceled over 500 couples and have found the most profitable to be couples are in the talking stage of marriage and not necessarily even engaged yet.
One large church I teach a class which gets a lot of content to them. They have homework between classes. This church makes the class a requirement for anyone wants to get married in that church.
We also do the prepare individually with each couple.
I like what you are saying.