Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays – our lives are sprinkled with special moments of celebration, joy, sentimentality, and love that we want to remember years down the road. The ironic thing is, it seems like the more we try to make them a picture-perfect memory, the less present we actually are in the moment. Have you experienced this? It’s understandable – we want to remember the details of a special vacation with our spouse, a first holiday as a family, or a dreamy anniversary date. But there are some sneaky habits that can steal away our memorable moments. Here’s what to look out for – and how to reclaim those moments.
Living behind your phone
Snapping some pictures and recording a few videos is pretty much par for the course nowadays, whether it’s a selfie with your spouse on your way to date night or capturing their reaction as they walk into their surprise birthday party. That’s all well and good. What’s more problematic is when you’re living behind your phone, recording every moment digitally instead of being present in the moment and recording the moment in your mind. Or you get so caught up in posting a photo to your social media that you miss out on what’s happening right in front of you.
Reclaim the moment: Try to get any pictures you want done right away, or set a limit on how much you’ll have your phone in your hand, then tuck it away for a period of time. Focus on being fully present with each other and taking everything in naturally. You might find that you’re enjoying yourself so much that you totally forget about using your phone, and that can be a freeing feeling.
Being too stuck on your “plan”
Sometimes you have plan for how you want things to go, or an image in your head of your ideal scenario. Say you reserved your favorite table with a view for your anniversary; it was the same table you sat at the night you got engaged, so it holds extra meaning. You envision romantic conversation as you laugh and reminisce about your honeymoon, all while enjoying that fabulous view. Cut to reality: they’ve double-booked your table, and the only other one available is next to the noisy kitchen en route to the restrooms. It could be easy to let this spoil your entire evening, sulking and complaining instead of simply enjoying each other’s company.
Reclaim the moment: Allow yourself to feel disappointed, but don’t dwell on it. You’re still on a date with the person you love, right? Consider how you can take advantage of this turn of events and still make this a meaningful, memorable night. Maybe you skip dessert at the restaurant and find your new favorite ice cream shop. Maybe you make friends with the chef, get your meal on the house, and share laughs over a new inside joke about bathroom tables. Things are not always going to go as planned, so learning to make the most of those times is clutch.
Getting mentally distracted
It’s probably not intentional, and hey, maybe you’re not even on you phone! If you’re like most people though, turning off the to-do list that’s scrolling through your mind can take a conscious effort. Did I pay the electric bill? I need to remember to email my boss about the project update. What are going to have for dinner tomorrow night? Meanwhile, your partner is giving you an irritated look because they’ve just repeated their question twice, and you still haven’t answered.
Reclaim the moment: It might sound blunt, but if you’re not mentally present, you’re sort of wasting potentially memorable moments and quality time! If you feel other things vying for your mental attention, take one minute to jot them down (let you spouse know what you’re doing), then dismiss the distracting thoughts. Focus your freed up mental energy on the here and now.
Memorable, joy-filled moments with our partner and family are sort of what life’s all about. We work so hard for them, yet technology and our own mental hurdles can end up sabotaging our enjoyment. By being more mindful of these habits, hopefully you can take steps to break them and reclaim the moments that mean the most.
Great advice. It’s not just the memorable moments that are lost by our focus on devices. We are now practicing leaving our devices in another room, especially at meal times, to help center our attention on each other and on us as couple.
Seems like a great idea to leave those devices in another room in a basket where they can speak electronically to each other and we can communicate the old fashioned way to connect as mere mortals.
This so practical. So much is lost when our noses, eyes and hearts are captivated by our phones. It takes work, concentration, motivated by faithful love, to give our spose our undivided attention.
The cell phone has stolen many moments, keeping us from being in the moment with each other…especially in our marriages, & before we know it, intimacy has been replaced with our devices.
To me the distraction of phones and electronic devices is evident everywhere we go. How sad it is to see a couple sitting at dinner both looking into the “eyes” of their phones rather than the eyes of their spouse or partner. Why are people so anxious to post every meal and every place they visit. Maybe as a reminder of what they are actually “saying”, people should post something like “This is me taking a photo to share with most of you who could care less rather than paying attention to my spouse who is sitting across from me with a disappointed look just hoping that I’ll notice he/she is even here; Right here with me!” Put your phone away and enjoy the time together. You never know how much you have left!
I’m almost two months married and the device seems to get more attention than the honeymoon stage. So I agree the cell phone has to become a serious conversation between couples especially new wedds. If the third party is not address I believe the device will win.
Mary .It’s not only the devices that Inter ,what about when you put everything else before your spouse and want take out the time to even have a meal.because you claim that your to hungry to wait for your mate to get from work or you’ll claim that you want to go eat at a certain time and if they are not ready you’ll leave them behind.or you’ll attend places where they don’t enjoy so you can go along like the (casino)and you know your mate doesn’t gamble.can you give me some feedback.anybody.